Grief from different lances:a story continued

If you ask me about my grief journey, the most recent one stands out a lot.Losing my sister hit me harder than l thought.You have to know l am still going through it and this is first time l have been able to articulate my emotions and thoughts when it comes to this particular case so do bare with me.

The emotions are really interesting,sometimes l find myself Numb to it all.l show up to work do what needs to be done,show up in the community or society function the way l have always normally done (l do look very normal by the way)only there is something missing or should l say someone.

Then on other days as conversations are flowing with friends,family ,colleagues l find myself talking about Abie in present tense as though she is there.This one is still a battle for me.Its as if as much as l aware she is nolonger with us ,there is part of me cannot seem to accept or fathom it all.

Do not get me started on the voice notes,but before l do maybe let me paint a picture of my sister in my mind she was her normal self,beautiful as ever and soft spoken .So listening to voice notes on one hand reminds me of bubbly,fun and naughty girl she is/was.(see there l go again ).But on the other hand makes me feel like l will see her when l get home or she will come pick me up from work 🥹.

The good days ,(yep they are there)and guess what my default setting is my sisters are my go to for everything m talking the outrageous,funny, stupid or simply awkward situations you can think off.They are sometimes brutally honest,a little shaddy not afraid to read me the riot act(l am sure you get the picture) and when one of those situations pops up now l am always disappointed because one funny ,shaddy comment is missing.There are specific things that only she could handle.

I honestly do not know how to function in a world where my sister is no longer there .l wish God had prepared me for this one because you might see me smile, move through life but there is a void in my heart that l am still trying to figure out how to fill. l may not know a lot of things but what l know for certain is it will not always be gloomy and the only out is to go through this thick emotional forest until l am able to accept she is in a better place and that God s ways are not our ways.(l do need to say my faith in God and my view of him has not changed instead it has helped me cope on tough days)