Grief from different lances

 "Grief, a monster that many of us are still battling with. We ask ourselves, 'How did I get here? What happened?' We find ourselves grieving many things, but mostly the 'what ifs or

simply loss of loved ones.' Today we explore grief from different lenses who chose to be anonymous and how they have managed to move on from grief.

When my brother passed away, my heart was shattered. During a consultation with my doctor/ general practitioner, she recommended that I take up counselling to help deal with my loss otherwise grief would consume me. Before I started counselling, I joined an online grief support group and whilst it initially felt really comforting to be in a space with people who fully understood what I was going through, it didn’t take me long to realise that this support group made me spiral deeper into my grief.

I slowly weaned myself from the support group and decided to sign up for weekly counselling instead. I’m glad I did, as I was given tools to help me navigate my grief. It was here that I understood that there is no destination in grief - you won’t get to a place where you’ve recovered from grief. Instead, grief is a never-ending journey where you embrace it & learn to live with it throughout your life. Whilst on the grief journey, I was taught to be honest with myself and not hide any emotions.

 Grief will come in waves, some small and others over-powering. I should embrace all the feelings and live through each of them - anger, denial, longing for what could have been, sadness. If I feel like crying, I should go ahead and do so. If I feel like posting or reliving a memory with my late brother, I should also go ahead and do so. I should do what makes me feel better. I also followed numerous grief related pages on Instagram and took only what resonated with me & what I needed.

Again, this helped me realise that my emotions and experiences were not unique to me but rather common on the grief journey. I can’t say I have moved on from my grief but rather, I am learning to live with it as it is now a part of who I am. – Anonymous-

It took me more than three years to come to terms with my sister passing. This was because of the relationship we had and how very close we were .For 5 years we shared the same routine that became an integral part of my life .We stayed in same neighborhood in Kuwadzana, we went to work together, Sundays we went to church together and on Some days we would leave home at 6am and l would help her set up for the day as she was a Tailor.

She was more than just a sister, she introduced me to the good life and its endless possibilities. She spoilt me with thoughtful gestures like my first iPhone, helping   get a passport and letter on take me for a shopping spree in South Africa. These are just but tip of iceberg of memories we shared together.

Losing her was one of the hardest journeys l have ever faced. I had to learn to navigate life alone, breaking that routine that we had cultivated .I had to learn to live with the new normal, first Christmas without her hit harder than l anticipated. To cope with this day and many such days that followed l would visit her grave as much as l could finding solace in feeling close to her. Now l only visit her grave once a year.l have found new comfort in helping raise her son who has become like a younger brother to me.

This experience taught me resilience and the importance of cherishing memories and expressing love and care to those that are dear and near to heart. You never know when death shall knock at the door.-Annoymous-

Chido a dear Friend once said, 'you never get over grief; you just learn to manage it.She even showed me an analogy of how grief looks like. I guess we have been doing a pretty good job, maybe too well. One wonders if we have been putting on a mask and running away from actually feeling the pain, the pain that's too much to bear. When it hits you, oh boy, it’s tough - debilitating pain that can't described. Occasionally you find yourself crying at a movie, (l am one of those people) and you realize your body just needed a way to release the pain. One thing is true: it does get easier with time, the management of it all.l hope you learn to manage the grief and seek help where necessary.